It hasn’t even been seven days since President-Elect Obama was voted into the biggest leadership position in the United States, he hasn’t taken the job yet, and already he is being criticized! Isn’t it interesting how we respond? We want the best people in office, yet regardless of whom we elect, we beat them down . . . even demonize them . . . why?
Okay, I realize I’ve already created some tension just by bringing up politics, but I want to challenge assumptions today by inviting you to consider a new response. Regardless of your political persuasion, I would invite you to learn the arguments of the other side. Instead of blindly criticizing someone, learn why they feel the way they do. This doesn’t mean you don’t have an opinion or passion towards one side or the other, it just means that you are capable of learning another’s perspective as well. There is tremendous strength in acquiring this skill.
While growing up, my own conservative background led me to feeling critical about all Democrats – feelings that were taught by all of those around me. Then, in June of 1998 (while Sally & I were living in Shanghai) I was asked to be Chelsea Clinton’s control officer during the Clinton tour to Shanghai. I spent three days with Chelsea and on multiple occasions we spent time with her parents as well. You may recall that the summer of 1998 was when there was a “little” DNA test being done on a certain blue dress, so her parents weren’t doing events together. Instead, we would bounce from an event with her Mom in the morning, and then go to one with her Dad in the afternoon.
After an amazing three days, I learned that these were good people (seriously, I have some wonderful stories about each of them)! Before leaving Shanghai, they invited us to the White House and we gladly accepted. One month later, we spent four days touring Washington D.C. and attending several White House functions and even having lunch in the private West Wing dining room. I even had President Clinton’s personal doctor work on a huge blister that had formed on my foot since my newly purchased dress shoes were killing me.
Needless to say, I learned a great deal through the whole experience. Here are just a few:
- At times, we make very unfair assumptions about people without ever trying to understand them.
- We are better together then we are tearing each other down.
- When we do demonize others, it is usually because of some inadequacy we harbor against ourselves.
Again, I’m not suggesting that we cannot be passionate about our own beliefs and opinions. Indeed, that is part of who we are! However, we can be better!
So, quit tearing down Bush and Obama. Quit tearing down the family member or neighbor. Quit tearing down your colleagues. Quit complaining about the client. Quit complaining about the system or process.
Today, start to create solutions and understand the other side. Examine your own style and consider your complicity in a problem. Reflect on what you can do to be part of the positive change rather than the painful blister. Will it make everything perfect? NO. However, it will certainly be a start in the right direction.
I’m not claiming perfection here. Honestly, I’m trying to get better by building my own skills in appreciation. Here are some questions I ask myself that may be of some help to you when considering your own blind spots:
- Do you find yourself always needing to be the center of attention?
- Do you “one up” others after hearing their story to show how your story is better?
- Can you be content just listening to others?
- Do you work to develop people or do you simply use them to your advantage?
- Can you sincerely celebrate another’s success?
After 9/11, President Bush stood at Ground Zero in NY and inspired people to reunite. Unfortunately, the momentum of that day went away for a number of reasons (yes, he did make some mistakes), but it was incredible how quickly people vilified him for everything – just as people did with President Clinton before him. President-Elect Obama has reignited many people in a new hope – let’s try to help him succeed for all of our sakes.
